I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
