We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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