My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
