Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
