Don't make out with my wife yet
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
