im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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