So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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