Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
