your parents love me but you hate me
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
