Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
As shirtless as possible
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
