By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
