I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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