They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
