and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
