never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
