Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
