My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
