My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
