last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
