Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
