I wish life had little blips of pornography
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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