i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
