C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
