if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
