i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
