Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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