the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
