I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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