I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
