you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
