You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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