hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
