Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
