I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
