the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
