Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
