I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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