i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Never underestimate the power of titties
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
