I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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