____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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