Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
True college students do jello shots in the library
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
