Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
