Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
