Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
