READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
