Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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