so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
