capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My vagina is very pro this idea
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
