He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
