You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
