i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
