Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
