smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
