it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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