my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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