Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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