it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
