You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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