he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
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He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
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She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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