good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize