you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
