I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
