My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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