I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
