I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
