yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
