The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
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Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
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So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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