from now on my penis is your penis
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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