Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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