I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
