we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
