she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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