i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
