I wish you could order shots online.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
